Qtpi860's Xanga

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 23:59:27 GMT

i have a new xanga XxTears_of_a_SinnerxX read that one instead of this one!

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 23:36:21 GMT

tomorrow is my birthday, oh joy. yea lucky me. im going to austin street tomorrow with steven to duel and stuff. thats gonna be fun. oh by the way when i went to the movies, brian didnt come anthony did instead. the Yu-gi-oh movie was hilarious, to me and patty anyway. it's because we have all these inside jokes about YGO and stuff, yea we're really odd i never went to jake's house, because i got back from, rose's house to late. i had the best time with her, it was a lot of fun. me and rose sat on the back of martin's car, you know on the trunk part, and you know how when you sit on a car it goes down a bit? yea well it did that, and travis was like "Yo martin your rims look hot!" just cuz the car sagged over them a bit, so martin wanted to see what it looked like while he was driving. martin moved the car while we were sitting on it. rose nearly had a heart attack, it was so funny. then kayla, rose and me sat in martins car blasting music and dancing around it the car, that was hard to do! he he anyways, then the cops came to the corner we were at, because there was a group of teenagers, me, rose, kayla, lisa, christina, martin, travis and 2 other ppl i forget their names. so "it looked suspicious" yea so i had to leave then anyway. Aida was one of the best plays i have EVER seen! i loved it so much i got the whole entire script, including lyrics to the songs off the internet i hope i can remember how which bus to take to get to austin street. i am SO going to whoop steven's butt in a duel tomorrow! i have the perfect strategy, and my deck is perfect, well kind of. but i think i have a pretty good shot. im gonna sleep over Erin's house on Friday with Amanda D., i cant wait. well i gotta go, Ja!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 03:29:21 GMT

long time no entry yes? well just to make up for the fact i havent written in so long, i'll write a lot. i got back from Greenkill a week ago. i was so upset to leave. i cried the day before i left. but of course, Brittany, Shamara, Tamira, Ali and Rachel were there to comfort me. remember the last entry i wrote? i dont really know if i meant any of that, well the last part i did. the first part im not sure. then on the bus ride home the next day i hugged everyone and got on the bus. then i cried again, i am by no means a cry baby, it just really upset me. ella, denisha and gabbi were comforting me from outside the bus. undeknown to them seeing them out there telling me not to cry only made me cry more. then i cried for about 15 minutes on the bus, but Erin made me feel better, it was entertaining me to watch her try to do that little hand thingy we learned, she always got the first part but come the second she would make a mistake and the face she made was priceless. anyways, i went to the beach today and i met up with a friend i hadnt seen since i was 5! her name is Rose Marie and i missed her, we used to play together all the time we were best friends. yes after all these years i still remember her..sue me! im going to the beach again tomorrow then to Jake's house. I, as of current notice. have no plans till Friday. i cant wait for Friday! im going to see the Yu-gi-oh Movie with Steven, Patty (aka Patircia) and most likely Brian. yes we are all serious YGO fanatics, well me and patty are, brian and steven just like the card game. then at 8:00 i have tickets to go see Aida on Broadway! w00t! i've wanted to see that since like, FOREVER, and now i can finally see it the last summer it plays on Broadway. lucky me oh and today i got my first ever YGO t-shirt! i was really happy because it was a christmas present for Richard (no not Molander..Reins) 2 years ago but now its MINE ALL MINE MUAHAHA! (cue the or face from everyone) Ashley is SO going to owe me a bottle of hair dye! she's worrying me so much with..well im not allowed to say..so i wont, i just hope i get to talk to her tomorrow. well i gotta go, i have to get off the computer now, see you all in my next entry till then..Ja!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 03:53:53 GMT

I'm always ignored, it's been that way my whole life. Never having anyone to care for me. No one even notices I'm even here. I'm invisible to the whole world. I have barely any friends, I'm not even sure if their true friends..horrible thing to question yes?. I have the most messed up family, no one cares. I have nothing. And I love ever second of it.

What is love? What is caring? What is friendship? what is perfection? Love is nothing! Caring is nothing!
All that other crap is nothing! For many, it's a dream to be loved and cared for, but for me…It's a nightmare. Hn..i guess it's my own fault that I feel this way. I sound psychotic with the stuff i just said right? Well..maybe I am..I wouldn't doubt it. Atleast I think I'm a Manic Depressive. But, there are a few people wether they be my true friends or not..who prevent me everyday i live, from jumping off a bridge or something. I love those people with all my heart. Their names are: Erin Marie Brennan, Steven (I'm not gonna put his middle name because he'll have a bitch fit) Kane, and Patricia Elena Grullon. They are my best friends. My true best friends..I think. Well, bye for now.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 22:17:00 GMT

God! i hate her! i hate her i hate her! damnit! why did my aunt rosie have to leave me!? she was the only one who understood me, and she left me alone! i still remember the last thing or close to last thing she said to me "if you ever need me, just call me." and she gave me her phone number. and then she goes and dies! why why why WHY!? she died 2 years ago but it still haunts me to this day. i hate her i hate her i hate her i need her..excuse me while i go cry

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Wed, 07 Jul 2004 03:22:55 GMT

damnit, damnit, damnit, DAMNIT. ok steven, i know your gonna say "it's not your fault it's your dad's fault" bull fucking shit. i got into that accident because of my stupidity. if i had just been paying attention to the road and not going so fast on that ATV i would've never gotten into that accident. well i'll tell ya one thing it hurts like all fucking hell. especially slamming inot that guard rail..not very fun. and im even more pissed becuase they cut my jeans and my mickey mouse shirt in half, and on the helicopter that they flew me to a hos[ital to that jackass of a lady took three tries to get the needle in right..bitch..i wanted to slap her. im not even worried about myself, im scared for my sister, my dad, and my cousin Tommy. first off, Tommy was on probation for driving and his license was taken away, so i dont even know whats gonna happen to him. My dad has a whole shit load of sitations and fees to pay, you can bet he's gonna love that. and i dont even want to get into what happened to my sister. not to mention, half of Middle Village in New York knows, my whole family knows, all of Susquehanna Pennslyvannia knows, all my friends know. Why dont we just tell the whole Tri-state area? -.- look these pain killers are makin me drowsy, i'll write another entry soon, 'till then. Buenos noches mi amigas y amigos (yea spanish speaker over here! well kinda ^^;;)

Friday, July 02, 2004

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 16:48:27 GMT

well, life is pretty good these days..NOT. i mean, im not having major problems. do u ppl consider having a boyfriend that u want to break up with SO badly and never wanting to go out with him in the first place a problem? -.- well yea..thats what i want to do. but anyways, im going to PA with Jen and stuff. i cant wait ^.^ last night i began thinking about it again..for those of u who dont know what it is..it means suicide. i thought about it again, i find myself thinking about it a lot lately. maybe because of all the pressure put onto me. i mean, i have no choice im going to college, what if what i want my life to be doesnt concern college? well what i want doesnt matter anymore, it never did. guess what? oh lucky me, i get to wear perriwinkel at my dad's wedding, yay go me -.- i have to do well, i have ot be this i have to be that. why cant i be what i want ot be? no, that would displease my mom, and especially my dad. oh and go me again, i get to go to my school shrink! she's always doing all the talking, it'd be a miracle if i could get a word in. *sigh* well, Andrea moved away 6 days ago. i miss her back to the whole my parents want this and that for me thing. they just cant see im not perfect, i cant be. i mean sure i would love to be perfect, but its humanly impossible. i want to be a certain type of person, more punkish goth, nope i cant do that. my dad wont allow it. so im stuck..being a clone, being everything my parents want me to be. living their dreams, instead of my own..

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 19:58:00 GMT

me and steven are friends again, yay! i win! ok anyway..today i got stuck in the rain with non other, than steven. stupid anthony and beth, they shouldve got stuck with us!!! ahem..yea..well anyway, me and steven were dripping wet, NO NOTHING ROMANTIC HAPPENED ugh get your minds out of the gutter people! ..he offered me colored gold fish though -__- i didnt eat any, because he threw away BOTH of the pringles i gave him..hmmm..i shouldve taken the bag and tossed it in the street, grrrrr to late now! anyway, while he got a ride home, i walked..and got even more soaked. and u wanna know what steven has the nerve to do?! he passes me in his car and WAVES to me! grrrrrr..yet again. oh well, im not even gonna get mad over that. its stupid. i think i'll go call him..later. k bye bye ppls!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 20:12:14 GMT

this really sucks. im not emotionally stable enough to go through with this. Steven and me are in a HUGE fight now, and i decided me and him wont be friends anymore. wow im starting to cry again. if i think im doing whats best for me and dropping Steven, why does it hurt this bad? oh by the way, im dropping Brenda as a friend to, but that doesnt hurt me as much. it really doesnt hurt me at all. but for some unexplained reason, me and Steven not being friends is driving me to cut myself, literally. Did i make the right decision in not being his friend? i just..im ashamed to say this..i need him so bad. i dont have feelings like that for him..or do i? NO I DEFINATLY DO NOT! DONT U EVEN GO ON GIVING ME A LECTURE ABOUT DENIAL! I NO DA NIAL ISNT ONLY A RIVER IN EGYPT..but c'mon he's STEVEN. it's impossible for me to like him that way..right?

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 19:23:14 GMT

..wow..Steven is making me really mad again. I was just talking about how it seems that when he's with his guy friends i'm not important, and that we really arent friends. Then he gets mad at me, and starts saying stuff like how me and him get into more fights than him and Brenda because "i cant take a joke" which i very well can, i just HATE it when he punks me. so thats when i get mad. anyway, guess what? today in school i got in trouble with Mr.Hernandez because Damien brought a lighter to school, and me him and Patty were lighting sticks on fire. So Natalia and Paula took it upon themselves to go tell him. ..Ratfinks they are i tell ya..but then i didnt want Damien and Patty to get in trouble so i took the blame, so now im a good friend and a brave friend in Patty and Damien's eyes. i also got to hug Damien twice today..that's a record. once because i was really upset about getting in trouble and i needed to hug someone oh look theres Damien! so i hug him, then i hugged Richard for some reason, just cuz he was there i guess. Then when we were coming back from Mr.H, Patty hugged me and thanked me and all that good stuff, and Damien did it to. i didnt even have to ask. so..i guess today went pretty well. bye bye for now!